I'm Shocked, Shocked, To Hear That There's Corruption In Nigeria And Dick Cheney Was Right In The Middle Of It

Former Vice-President Dick Cheney has been charged by Nigerian prosecuters with bribery and related charges. These revolve around the multi-billion dollar construction contract for a liquified natural gas plant won by Haliburton's off-shore (and thus unhindered by pansy-ass US bribery laws) subsidiary Kellog,Brown & Root while Cheney was the CEO of Haliburton. In an unsurprising developement, it turns out that decision may have been influenced by millions of dollars in bribes paid to Nigerian officials out of a highly illegal off-books slush fund controlled by the afore-mentioned KBR.

You'll also be unshocked to hear that Cheney, the quintessential hands-on, detail oriented, nothing happens without my okay kind of guy that he is, knew nothing of any of this chicanery. Millions of dollars went missing off the books he was required to know and sign off on, but he had no clue. At least that's what the SEC decided. (I might point out that this is the same agency that found nothing wrong with Bernie Madoff's little operation.) Somehow the Nigerians dare to think they know more about corruption than SEC staffers who genuflect at the feet of the CEO class. Who do they think they are?

New Worst Job In DC; Joe Biden's Press Secretary

The phrase of the year in DC, rather than waterboarding or WMD's, might well be, "What the Vice President meant to say was..."

• "UFO's are an interesting phenomena that deserve further study, but he has never seen one, nor has he been probed like a drunken coed at a TKE frat house."
• "Jet contrails that last for hours are an interesting metorological effect involving ice crystals, not a secret Pentagon program to drop Swine Flu virus from the sky."
• "Jody Foster is a great actress an his new haircut is called a Mohawk, not "The Travis Look".